


Never going down without a fight

by the_scarlet_01



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie feels like a terrible dad and a worse friend, Getting Together, Injured Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Mentions of firefam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22078687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_scarlet_01/pseuds/the_scarlet_01
Summary: Based on the prompt: While Eddie is still mad at Buck, for Chris' sake he lets Buck watch him. Chris and Buck are doing something mundane when this crazy lady sees Chris and wants him for herself. She full on tases Buck and tries to take the boy but not even 50,000 volts of electricity is gonna stop Buck. He holds the lady off until help arrives and then he passes out. When Eddie hears he is stunned by Buck's devotion to his son and also feels guilty for the way he's been treating the man he secretly loves.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 19
Kudos: 728
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Never going down without a fight

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd  
> I decided to go with a stun gun rather than a taser because stun guns mean it is a hand to hand, close proximity contact. It meant Buck had to be right in front of her for it to work. I looked into voltage and milliamps. I reworked parts of the story after reading how much that kind of electricity can mess with your body, especially your head. I’ve seen videos of tasers and stun guns, and you see the direct result but rarely do you see a full force shock or use of multiple pulses. So I hope this isn’t too far off the mark.

Buck still couldn’t believe that Eddie was letting him see Christopher. Sure after the argument in the grocery store, he’d dropped the lawsuit. Sure he was back at work, but it wasn’t the same. The others didn’t really talk to him. He was pushed out of the team, even kept out of calls. He was back at work, but felt more like a janitor than an actual firefighter. But he wasn’t going to think about that today. Eddie hadn’t said anything to him other than an angry whisper of, “Fuck this up and you’re done,” as he left Buck’s apartment. So Buck blinked back the tears prickling in his eyes from the venom in his best friend’s words, or former best friend. That thought made Buck’s chest hurt, but he pushed that pain back. He pushed it back just like all the pain he’d felt for weeks. He packed it down alongside his guilt and loneliness, forced a smile and sat down beside Christopher on the couch.

The morning was spent catching up. Christopher filling him in on school, and all the things he’d done with Abuela and Carla. He’d said numerous times how much he’s wished Buck had been around for this or that, unaware of how each lamentation was like a knife wound to Buck’s heart. By lunch time Buck wasn’t sure he could take much more. So they went out for lunch, staying as far inland as they possibly could. He thought about finally catching a movie, like they’d planned on that horrible day they decided to go to the pier, but Christopher didn’t want that. He wanted to spend actual time with Buck. Christopher’s wish warming something in Buck he’d almost forgot existed. It made Buck feel loved, even if he didn’t deserve love from the amazing boy. They got a slice of pizza for lunch and headed to the park. Things had been going somewhat well until Buck got an unnerving feeling. It felt like they were being watched. A feeling that only got worse when Christopher went to play on the jungle gym. Buck scanned the park, never fully taking his eyes off Christopher. A popping balloon drew his attention for just a few seconds. That was when everything went horribly wrong. He heard Christopher calling out for him. The small voice filled with fear. A sound that still haunted the few hours of sleep he managed to get at night, but it wasn’t night. Buck wasn’t sleeping. This was real. His heart was in his throat and he was on his feet before even fully knowing why. He was almost to the play structure when it registered that a woman was struggling to drag Christopher away.

“HEY!” Buck shouted as he sprinted towards the woman. “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” Buck grabbed the woman’s wrist when he reached them. He pried the woman’s hands away from Christopher’s arm and shoved the woman back. Buck placed himself between the scared boy he needed to protect and the woman.

“HELP!” The woman screamed. “THIS MAN IS TAKING MY SON! “

“He isn’t yours!” Buck spat. The woman tried to push past him, to go for Christopher again.

“GIVE HIM BACK!” The woman screamed in Buck’s face.

“Over my dead body,” Buck said as he squared his shoulders, ready to block any move the woman might make towards Christopher. Buck could hear sirens in the distance. The sound filling the woman eyes with panic. She pulled something from her bag. Buck recognized it instantly.

“Chris, run!” Buck shouted. “Get to the-“ His sentence failing as pain courses through his muscles as the somewhere around 50,000 volts of electricity pierce the muscles of his neck. His muscles react violently, his throat burning painfully, but he refused to fall to the stun gun. He’d been tased and faced stun guns during his training for the seals. He figured his best option was to use his weight to his advantage. He couldn’t let her get Chris. He couldn’t let her away. So he ground his teeth as another pulse of electricity from the stun gun. Protect Christopher became an internal mantra, repeated in his mind. He pulled on every ounce of strength and adrenalin he had left in his system to lunged at the woman. The woman screamed, clawed, and even bit him trying to escape, but it failed her. Her attack with the stun gun had meant his brain was slow to process any pain beyond his neck. Her scratches and bite might draw blood, but he could barely feel it. His muscles were screaming already. He heard shouting but the woman’s screams made them intelligible. Buck struggled to keep fighting to make sure the woman didn’t get away, even as he was being pulled back. He looked up to see a group of police officers and paramedics he didn’t recognize. All the fight leaving Buck as he realized it was over.

“Chris’opher.” Buck mumbled. He groaned in pain as his hands were pinned behind him. “Protec’ Chris.” His body was shaking. He heard voices around him as pain hit him again as he felt hands against his neck. He pulled away, but was forced to stay put. He turned towards the owner of the hands against his neck, grimacing in pain as he did. “Chris, nee’ fin’ ‘im.” No one seemed to be listening to him. The voices around him turned into shouting. Something about the shouting voice made his shoulders slump. It was familiar. He flinched when he felt a new set of hands on him as his hands were uncuffed. He groaned as he pulled his arm into a less painful position.

“Buck,” the new voice said but his brain was too fuzzy. “You with me Buckaroo?” Buckaroo, only a few people called him that.

“Chris?” He repeated.

“Christopher is safe.” The voice said. And what little energy Buck had left was gone. He swayed slightly where he sat. Hands braced him where he sat on the ground. Voices continued around him until he heard shouting again. He heard his name being called, but he was in pain and he was tired. He couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He heard shouting as everything went dark.

Athena had gotten a call when a familiar name had come up on a call. Evan Buckley. Athena wondered what the hell Buck had gotten into this time. Dread building as she reached the park and saw two ambulances and a few cop cars. Her heart rate sped up, along with her pace when she caught sight of a familiar young boy with a crop of brown hair and crutches. She hurried over and found herself with her arms full of a sobbing Christopher Diaz. She did her best to sooth the boy, all while trying to get an idea of what is going on. Once Christopher had calmed down she went to check on Buck. One of the officers told her Buck had been resisting the assistance that officers and paramedics were offering him.

“You what?!” Athena shouted when the officer told her they’d cuffed him.

“He stopped a kidnapping of the child and you handcuffed him!” Athena hurried over to Buck’s side. “Uncuff him, now!” She turned to the paramedics. “He’s on blood thinners, had a pulmonary embolism not too long ago.” She turned back to the officers. “Uncuff him before he bleeds out!” She shouted. 

The officers scrambled to quickly uncuff him, her anger only growing when he groaned in pain. The paramedics got to work trying to stop the numerous scratch marks from bleeding. “Is that a bite mark?” Athena frowned, looking at the bloody ring on his forearm. Then she saw the fresh burn marks on his neck. She’d been told he was stunned, must have been one hell of stun gun, at least 40,000 volts. She knelt down beside the shaking figure that was Buck and spoke to him. He seemed so out of it. He kept mumbling about Christopher. His voice sounded off, like his vocal cords, throat, even his tongue didn’t know how to function properly. She assured him Christopher was fine, and that was apparently all he needed to know, because less than a minute later he collapsed.

“Buck!” Athena shouted. “What the hell just happened?”

“He’s unresponsive.” One of the paramedics said as they tried to rouse the fallen man. Athena stepped back to let them work. Reassured somewhat at the mostly steady heartbeat she saw once they’d gotten him hooked up to it. She knew she needed to get back to Christopher.

“Where’re they taking Bucky? Is he okay? I wanna go with him.” She heard the boy begging as she reached them. She hugged the boy.

“We’re going to go see him, but first I need to make a phone call.” She stepped aside to call Bobby and tell him what happened. 

Buck had come to in the ambulance. He was horribly confused and worried about Christopher. 

“Where’s Christopher?” Buck asked.

“He’s with Sergeant Grant.” The paramedic said, pushing Buck back against the stretcher. “We’re almost to the hospital, they’ll meet you there.” Buck’s brow furrowed as he tried to put all pieces together. The name sounded familiar but he was so confused and tired. He hurt all over.

“Who?” Buck asked.

“Sergeant Athena Grant.” The paramedic said.

“He’s with ‘Thena?” Buck asked.

“Yes, she talked to you at the park,” the paramedic stated, concerned that he might have hit his head during the struggle in addition to the stun. “Mr. Buckley, what do you remember?”

“There was a noise, and then Christopher was shouting and I was fighting this lady.” Buck said looking down at the bandages on his arms. “Eddie’s gonna kill me.” Buck groaned, letting his head fall back. They reached the hospital a few minutes later. He answered all the questions everyone seemed to have for him. His head hurt, everything hurt. He kept asking if Christopher was there yet. He wanted to be able to say goodbye before Eddie took the boy away from him forever.

“Athena,” Buck said when the woman walked into his room. “Where’s Chris? Is he okay? Can I see him?”

“Whoa, easy there Buckaroo.” Athena smiled. She was relieved he was not only awake, but forming full words and sentences. “Christopher is in the waiting room with an officer. Paramedics said he has a few bruises, but he’s okay. He’s just worried about ‘his Buck’.”

“I need to see him. I need to, before Eddie gets here and takes him away.” Buck said as he tried to get out of the bed.

The nurse that had been helping clean his scratches glaring as she pushed him back saying, “You need to stay put.

“Please, I need to say goodbye. Eddie’s going to-,” Buck begged, looking up at Athena.

“Buck.” Athena put a hand on his shoulder. “What are you talking about, why would Eddie take him away? You saved his son from getting kidnapped. Why wouldn’t he let you see him?”

“Because he hates me, and now he’ll hate me even more.” Buck said, tears now streaming down the man’s face.

“He what now?” Athena asked. Rage filled her as the injured man told her how miserable his life was and how much he missed his old life.

Eddie’s heart pounded in his chest as Bobby told him they weren’t going on a call and that they needed to get to the hospital. His unease turned in to panic when Bobby filled him in on what he knew. Athena had called. Someone had tried to take Christopher. Emotions warred in Eddie’s mind. He was worried about his son, but also angry at the man he’d trusted to look after him. How could Buck let something like this happen? He knew he shouldn’t have trusted him. Buck was immature and naïve. Eddie was out of the truck the instant it stopped. He ran, through the hospital doors until he found who he was looking.

“DAD!”

Eddie dropped to his knees in front of the chair Christopher was sitting in and pulled his son into his arms. He hugged his son tight for a few seconds before pulling back. He thanked the officer that had been watching over his son as he did.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked as he turned his attention to checking over his son. His noticed his son wince as he felt down the boy’s arm to check for an injury. He moved to get a better look at Christopher’s arm. There was a newly formed series of bruises on his son’s arm. He cursed under his breath.

“Yeah,” Christopher said, his voice small. “But Buck isn’t.” Eddie saw his son’s bottom lip tremble. He squashed down the anger he had at the man who let this all happen and focused on his son. He’d deal with Evan Buckley later.

“It’s going to be okay.” Eddie said, sitting in a vacant chair and pulled his son onto his lap. He carefully brushed the tears of the boy’s cheeks.

“He…he saved me.” Chris cried.

“Who did?” Eddie said glancing at the police officer who had moved to give them some privacy but stayed close.

“Buck.” Christopher said.

“What?” Eddie asked.

The next few minutes Eddie spent listening to his son franticly tell him what happened at the park. Eddie chest grew painfully tight as his son told him that within seconds Buck had not only intervened but he’d physically fought the woman off. He now understood why Athena hadn’t been with Christopher. Why Christopher was in the waiting room with only finger shaped bruises dug into his skin. His son cried as he told him how Buck had instructed him to run, to get away when the woman had pulled something from her bag and Buck shouted and stopped talking. How Christopher had shouted when they put handcuffs on Buck like he was the bad guy. That had upset the boy greatly. Eddie felt anger again bubbling in his chest, but alongside it a horrible feeling of guilt. Eddie listened as his son described the paramedics shouting and loading Buck to ambulance. Christopher hadn’t seen Buck since. Athena had left him with the officer so she could go see Buck. Eddie held his son tight when his story ended and the boy continued to cry. Not only had the sight of his son sobbing broken his heart, but that Buck had, yet again, been willing to give anything and everything to keep Christopher safe tugged at his heart’s shattered pieces. Yet again, the only reason he had his son in his arms was because Buck had put his life on the line. He had treated his best friend horribly, had said nasty things and given him the cold shoulder. Yet, Buck not only cared enough to look after Eddie’s son, but risked his own safety to protect Christopher against an attacker and kidnapper. If Buck hadn’t fought as hard as he did, Christopher wouldn’t be here. Eddie bit back a sob. He had to stay strong for his son. Christopher had, yet again, been through something horrible, and watched his Buck get hurt again.

“Edmundo Diaz!” Athena shouted. Eddie’s head snapped up. The sergeant glared as she approached him. The look in the woman’s eyes making him feels like he had when he was a kid and his mother would scold him. He knew he was in trouble. “We need to talk.” She said. Eddie just nodded, and made sure Christopher was okay and safe with Hen before he followed Athena towards a hallway.

“Get your ass in that room, now.” She said when they were out of earshot.

Eddie shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I don’t care if you do or not. I am not happy about how you morons have treated him, and all of us are going to have a long talk about that later. But right now, you need to grow a pair, and get in there. That man took a stun gun to the throat and refused to go down, just to look after your son. I’m not even kidding. You should have seen the state he was in when I got there. Didn’t even recognize me.” Athena frowned. “I don’t know how many times she got him with it, but this had his head all kinds of messed up.”

Eddie leaned heavily against the wall, swallowing the bile rising in his throat. “He…Is he okay?”

“Considering what could have happened, he’s lucky. Minor contact burns from the stun gun. He’s more clear headed now. They managed to finally get the scratches and that damn bite to stop bleeding. Honestly, what’s more concerning is the fact he’s begging for me to bring Christopher to see him, so he can say goodbye.”

“What?” Eddie stared at her.

“He already thinks you hate him, and he thinks that because of this you’ll never let him see Christopher again. He was in tears, begging. Eddie Diaz,” Athena said, making sure she had Eddie’s attention before she continued. “I don’t know what you did, any of you, but that boy’s head is so twisted he thinks this is his fault and that he deserves to be punished for it.”

“He was the same way with the tsunami.” Eddie leaned his head against the wall.

“Get your ass in that room and you beg that boy for forgiveness. Because that is the least you can do for the person that saved you son, for the second time. Don’t make me call your grandmother.” Eddie grimaced at the thought. 

“Can I go home yet?” Buck asked as the curtain pulled back, expecting it to be a nurse. His eyes went wide when he looked up and realize his mistake. His blood ran cold. It was Eddie. Eddie was here to yell at him, tell him to stay away from his son. “E-Eddie, I looked away for a second. There was a noise. I…I know I should’ve-,” Buck tried to explain, tried to tell his friend that he knew he’d messed up. He sobbed slightly. “Can I at least say goodbye?”

Something inside of Eddie shattered. Buck’s voice was strained, like the muscles in his throat still needed time to recover. The younger man’s face had gone pale when he saw him. He was scared. He was scared of Eddie. Scared he’d never see Christopher again. Eddie’s best friend was in a hospital bed, crying. God, Eddie was a fucking idiot. How had he let things get this bad? Eddie felt tears in his own eyes and lump in his throat. He couldn’t think of a way to fix this. He couldn’t think of a way to show his best friend that he’d been a jackass ignoring him and that he couldn’t possibly thank him enough for bringing his son back safe. So he didn’t think. He rushed forward and hugged Buck tight. He held the younger man tight as Buck sobbed. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, you don’t have anything to apologize for.” Eddie’s voice thick with emotions.

“But I-,” Buck started to argue.

“No, Buck.” Eddie gripped the back of Buck’s neck gently, careful of the bandaged burn. “You saved him. I know last time you didn’t believe me, but you have to this time. You saved him. Someone tried to take him, and you stopped them. You nearly died to protect him, again.”

“So…you aren’t going to take him away?” Buck asked.

Eddie pulled back so he could look his best friend in the eye. “No, I won’t. I’d be a monster if I did. Buck, you…you’re the reason I have him back. I know he’s safe with you.” The guilt at ever having doubted Buck’s devotion to Christopher’s safety made him feel sick. “Buck, if she’d of had a knife, or even a gun, you…” Eddie’s voice broke with a sob. “I could have lost you both without even knowing anything was wrong, again. She could have killed you and taken him, and I…I’d have lost everything that mattered to me.”

“I’m sure someone would have stepped in or Athena’d found him. You’d-.” Buck’s argument was cut off when Eddie’s lips met his. It took Buck longer than he was proud of to react, but he kissed Eddie back.

“You really don’t see your own value, do you?” Eddie asks, shaking his head slightly before leaning his forehead against Buck’s. “We really need to work on your self-esteem issues, Buck.”

“In my defense,” Buck said. “My brain is still a bit fried from the insane amount of voltage that went through it today.”

“Current is normally what kills someone, not voltage.” Eddie says, but before Buck can argue he continues. “But, voltage still hurts like a bitch.” He carefully brushes his fingertips across the edge of the bandage on the younger man’s neck. “Which makes the fact you were still able to stop her all that more amazing.”

“Wasn’t going to let her get Christopher, or any kid really, she needed to be locked up.”

“And she will be, because of you.” Eddie grinned. “You did good, man.”

“Good.”

“You want me to go get Chris now?”

“Yes, please.” Buck nodded.

“Bucky!” Christopher shouted as he made his way into the room.

Buck took one look at the little boy’s tear stained face and the man’s heart hurt. “Oh buddy, I’m okay.” He hated how weird his voice sounded, but he smiled through it all. He was just glad to see Christopher with own eyes. Buck looked up at Eddie, eyes practically begging. Eddie knew what he wanted, so he shook his head and smiled. Christopher let his dad take his crutches and help him up onto the bed. Buck ignored the straining of his stiff and tired muscles and happily pulled the boy to him. Christopher hugged Buck tightly. Buck’s heart ached when he heard the boy sniffle. “I’m okay, bud. We’re okay. No one is ever going to hurt you on my watch. I’ll fight ‘em all, bud. I promise.”

Eddie almost couldn’t handle the insane amount of emotions he was feeling, almost. Part of him just wanted to crawl into the tiny bed with the two most important people in his life, hold them and never let them go. Maybe he’d do that later, if Buck would let him. Eddie knew he had a lot to make up for. He’d been a terrible friend. He’d happily spend the rest of his days making it up to Buck. The gnawing feeling might be there, but so was the warm feeling in his chest he always had when he saw Buck and Christopher together. Eddie didn’t know how long guilt would gnaw at him. Maybe it would never go away, but if he gets to see Buck and Christopher cuddled close and taking care of each other, than he’d gladly endure it.

After a few minutes Christopher seemed to calm down. Eddie carefully cleaned the dried tears off his son’s glasses so he’d be able to see. The firefighters watched as Christopher seemed to take in all the bandages. “I really am okay, bud. These.” Buck gestured to the bandages on his arms. “They’re just scratches. They look worse than they are.”

“Does that mean you can go home soon?” Christopher asked. 

“I hope so, buddy.” Buck said.

A few hours, and a couple long conversations later, Buck unlocked Eddie’s front door, stepping aside to let Eddie inside as he carried a clearly exhausted, but still awake Christopher. Eddie had figured none of them were going to have an easy night. Eddie knew Buck would have nightmares, most likely where he wouldn’t be able to save Christopher. Christopher would have nightmares about losing Buck, much like he had after the tsunami. Eddie was probably in for his fair share, and he hadn’t even been there. The thought of losing the two people he loved most in the world had rattled Eddie to the core. It wasn’t something he’d forget anytime soon. 

“I think it’s bedtime,” Buck grinned, his eyes gentle as he looked over the sleepy boy in Eddie’s arms. Christopher shook his head, earning a chuckle from Eddie. It was clear Christopher was going to fight sleep as long as he could. “Come on, tough guy.” Buck laughed. “It has been a long day. I think we could all use some sleep.” Christopher shook his head again.

“I’ve got an idea.” Eddie smiled. He headed down the hall. Glancing back to make sure Buck was following. He saw the younger man hesitate. His hesitation only lasted until Christopher reached a hand out toward him. A soft smile came over the younger man’s face as he took the small hand in his and followed Eddie into the master bedroom. Buck worried it might have been awkward for his best friend, but if Eddie was uncomfortable about anything that was happening he didn’t say anything. Instead, Eddie set Christopher on his bed, careful not to break the small connection between his son and his best friend. “I’ll be right back.” Eddie went and grabbed Christopher’s pajamas. When he came back Buck had knelt down and was taking off the boy’s shoes. “Thanks.” Eddie smiled as he set Christopher’s pajamas on the bed and moved over to his own dresser. He dug through one of the drawers and pulled out a couple pairs of sweatpants and t-shirts and set them on the bed as well. The two men worked together, as they had many times before, to get the boy ready for bed. “Here.” Eddie said handing Buck the pair of sweats that had somehow become Buck’s. The older man wasn’t sure when exactly they’d stopped being his, but he really didn’t mind. He’d buried them in his drawer during the mess of the lawsuit. They’d brought up too many feelings, anger, guilt, and other feelings he had tried to avoid. He was just happy to have Buck back and a reason to dig them back out. 

“Thanks.” Buck said as he took the offered sweats. He ducked into the bathroom. He grunted as changing stretched his sore muscles. Once he had the sweats on he started peeling off the many bandages. He was just peeling the bandage off the bite mark when he heard a quiet knock and the door cracked open, just a bit so Eddie could check on Buck without waking Christopher.

“You good?” Eddie asked, he’d finished changing his clothes and was worried when Buck hadn’t emerged from the bathroom.

“Could actually use a hand,” Buck admitted. He was tired and sore. “If you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, of course.” Eddie grabbed a first aid kit from under the sink, glad he’d restocked it after his last night in the fight club. He’d used his fair share of bandages. He shook his head. He’d think about his own mess later. He turned his attention Buck’s injuries. His brows furrowed as he took in all the angry red marks that marred the younger man’s arms. “Hm. Take a seat.” He guided Buck to sit on the closed lid of the toilet seat. Normally he’d have done this in a more comfortable spot, but with Christopher asleep in the next room, this would have to do. Eddie was meticulous as he carefully treated and covered the worst of the marks. He used extra care when it came to taking care of the bite mark. Buck had clearly put up quite a fight, despite being shocked multiple times. With the bite covered, Eddie moved to burns on Buck’s neck. Eddie carefully brushed his fingers next to the burn. He felt the younger man tense up. Eddie pulled his fingers back and mumbled, “Sorry.”

“Eddie…” Buck said his voice deep and eyes searching out Eddie’s. Eddie cleared his throat, moving quickly to treat and cover the burn. Before Eddie could pull away Buck caught his wrist and gave it a squeeze. “Thanks. That would have taken a lot longer to do myself.”

Eddie wondered how much Buck had done on his own while Eddie had been giving him the cold shoulder. He made himself look beyond the scratches and really look at Buck. The younger man’s eyes looked tired. The dark circles below them them gave away the fact that it wasn’t just the day’s events that had him exhausted. The shirt that used to fit relatively well hung from his frame like he’d lost even more weight than he had when his leg was healing. Buck looked bone tired and small compared to his old self. Eddie hated himself.

“Eddie,” Buck said squeezing his wrist again. Eddie hadn’t even realized the younger man still had a hold of him. He really had gotten lost in thought. How shitty Eddie felt must have been written all over his face, because he was met with a soft smile as Buck reassured him, “I’m okay.”

“Are you?” Eddie asked, he put a hand on Buck’s cheek and brushed his thumb along the edge of the dark circle under the man’s eye. “Because you look…”

“Like shit?” Buck asked. “It was a pretty shitty day.”

“Buck…” Eddie sighed. He wanted to ask him about the dark circles and weight loss, but he was also afraid of the answer. He still remembered how small Buck had seemed after the tsunami, and it had only gotten worse it would seem. Eddie knew it was his fault, the teams fault. They’d pushed him out of everything, didn’t let him eat with them. Hell, they gave him shit if he so much as set foot in the loft. Eddie deserved to feel like shit. God, how could Buck even stand looking at him, let alone trust him to help him. Eddie felt tears in his eyes. 

“What’s wrong, Eddie?” Buck was confused.

“I’m sorry, Buck. I am so fucking sorry.” Eddie felt a few tears fall.

“It’s okay,” Buck said, trying to comfort his friend.

“It isn’t, Buck.” Eddie says. “You…you saved my son, even after I ignored you, the whole team did. I don’t know how you managed to fight that woman off. You lost so much weight. That shirt used to fit, like really well.”

“You like it when I wear your clothes?” Buck smirked.

“Don’t change the subject.” Eddie said.

“But it doesn’t matter.” Buck stands. Now face to face with Eddie.

“Yes, it does.” Eddie says, a hand running through his hair. “You didn’t deserve it. We’re just petty assholes, you could get hurt on a call because you-“

“That implies Bobby lets me go on calls.” Buck grumbles.

“I…Buck…” Eddie doesn’t know what to say about Bobby. He’d have to have a chat with the captain about how much they’d screwed up. Assuming Athena hadn’t given him a similar lecture.

“I know I screwed up with the lawsuit, and I know you guys needed time,” Buck says.

“No, Buck. That…what we did, that’s not taking time to get over something, that’s abuse and neglect. You thought we hated you. That I hated you.” Eddie clenches his fists in the front of Buck’s shirt. “I don’t, I didn’t, I hated me. I was mad about everything, mad about Shannon, mad about not being able to help Christopher, and yeah, I was mad about the suit, but I didn’t hate you. I just took it out on you. I treated you like a verbal punching bag, and then I treated real people like a punching bag. I hate me. Not you. Never you, okay?” Buck nodded, but Eddie could tell he didn’t quite believe it. Eddie let go of Buck’s shirt, moving his hands to cup Buck’s face. “I missed you. I missed you so much it hurt me, it hurt Christopher. That is why I let you see him. Breaking my own heart is fine. Breaking his, I just couldn’t keep doing it. You’re so much better for him than I am.”

“Eddie, no.” Buck says, gripping Eddie’s wrists tight but not pulling him away, “You’re a great dad. Chris loves you. He needs you.”

“He needs you too.” Eddie says, a sad smile on his face. “He needs you as much as he needs me. Hell, probably more so, I have failed him again. You might be the only person who can help me fix it.”

Buck perked up. Eddie needed him. He needed him and that meant Buck could actually be of use to him, to anyone again. Buck had missed the feeling of being needed. Shit, he missed just being touched. He blushed when he realized they were still standing in Eddie’s bathroom, his face in Eddie’s hands and a vice grip on Eddie’s wrist.

Eddie’s chest warmed slightly at seeing the taller man’s eyes get a bit brighter at his last words. He knew Buck only ever wanted to help people. He wanted them to be proud of him and they’d taken advantage of that while trying to hurt him.

“I’m sure we can fix it.” Buck said.

“God, I don’t deserve you.” Eddie grins.

Buck rolled his eyes. “And they say I’m dramatic.”

“I’m serious, Buck.” Eddie says. “You deserve to be treated so much better than we treated you. I was the worst about it. I was being selfish. We all were. We didn’t want to get hurt again. We’d almost lost you too many times. We were scared, so we pushed you away. But we were just damn stupid. We were hurting you and ourselves in the process. Buck, do you know how empty the firehouse felt while you were gone? It was awful. It was too quiet and it felt dark. Then you came back, and instead of enjoying the fact you were back, we punished you. We made you feel like you deserved it. We took whatever light you seemed to have left and tried to crush it. Dammit Buck, how can you ever forgive me, forgive us?”

“I…” Buck stopped and really thought about what Eddie had said. “Because that’s what family does. That’s what we were before. I just wanted to get you guys back. I wanted my job back. I wanted my family back.” Buck needed Eddie to understand. “You said Christopher needed me, that you needed me. That’d been what I was trying for the whole time. That was the reason for the entire suit. It was the only way to keep you guys from replacing me, to get me back into your lives. I…I needed to do it to get home. It wasn’t about the money. Fuck, Eddie, I didn’t want the money. I don’t need millions of dollars. I just needed you guys back in my life.”

“Wait millions?” Eddie asked, but he shook himself. He’d think about that later. Right now he needed Buck to know they’d be there even if he couldn’t be firefighter. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie said.

“About the money?” Buck asked. “I didn’t want you to-“

“No, not the money, although, millions? Really? You turned down millions, for us?” Eddie shook his head.

“What good is money if I’m alone?” Buck says with absolute resolution.

“Buck, I…I need you to know that even when I was mad at you, if you’d have asked to see Christopher, I’d have let you. I told you, that’d break his heart and I just couldn’t do that.” Buck nodded but Eddie could see that, yet again, Buck was unsure about it. So Eddie would have to work harder to convince him. “Buck, how many times do I have to tell you that we’d still be in your life, even if you weren’t on the team? You’re right, we’re a family. The team aside, you’re our family. You and Christopher are my family. The fact I was so angry not being able to talk to you with the suit made that painfully obvious for me. My life fell apart because I couldn’t talk to you.”

“Eddie, I’m sorry, I-“ Buck starts to apologize.

“I know, all I had to do was call you and tell you Christopher needed you. You’d have been there. You’d have dropped everything for him, but I let my issues and pettiness hurt all of us. I hurt you. I hurt Chris. I destroyed my own life. You make my life so much better. I need you to know that. I-” Eddie was cut off by Buck’s lips meeting his. Much like he had at the hospital. Eddie kissed him back.

“I love you too.” Buck smirked.

Eddie was trying to come up with a snarky reply when they both heard a small cry from the next room. They both rushed back into Eddie’s dark bedroom. Christopher was asleep but clearly not peacefully. Eddie sat on the bed and pulled the boy against him like he always did. They both call Christopher’s name and try to comfort him. They eventually manage to wake him up.

“Dad?” Christopher says when he feels his dad holding him tight. He blinks at the other figure. “Buck?”

“It’s okay, buddy.” Eddie says as he rubs his son’s back. “We’re here.”

“Both of us,” Buck says. Taking Christopher’s hand in his like he had in the hallway. “It was just a dream, bud. It’s okay, we’re all okay.” They sat like that, both Buck and Eddie reassuring the boy they were there and safe. Buck stood up so that Eddie could get Christopher back in bed when small fingers tugged at Buck’s wrist.

“Please don’t go, Bucky.” Christopher voice was small and sad. Buck looked up at Eddie. They were working on being something more than friends. Sure, they’d kissed. Sure he’d cuddled with Christopher until the boy fell asleep several times, but sleeping in Eddie’s bed with both Eddie and Christopher? Now that was a big step. He was a bit surprised when Eddie just smiled and shrugged waving toward the other side of the bed as he went over and flipped a nightlight on that he used on the nights Christopher had nightmares and ended up in his room. He turned off the bathroom light and came back to the bed.

“You sure?” Buck asked him. Eddie rolled his eyes as he got into the bed. He rolled onto his side and pulled Christopher tight into his chest, earning a giggle from the sleepy boy.

“Just watch out, this guy can get a little squirmy in the middle.” Eddie teased his son playfully, tickling the boy’s side just a little.

“Daaaaaaad,” Christopher whined, his annoyance betrayed by another giggle.

“I’ll save you, buddy.” Buck grinned as he lay down in the open area of the bed. He pulled the hand Eddie had been tickling Christopher with and laced his fingers with Eddie’s, earning a grin from the older man. “Now, back to sleep. I think we all need it after such a long day.”

In the dim light of the nightlight they both watched as Christopher got comfy between them and quickly fell back asleep. Christopher snuggled closer to Buck’s warmth as he slept. Eddie looked up, admiring the soft smile Buck always had when he watched Christopher do anything. Eddie was such a goner. Christopher and Buck were his world and he was unbelievably lucky to have them both with him. He grinned when Buck looked up at him. “Good Night, Buck.”

‘Night, Eddie.” Buck fell asleep rather quickly. His face half buried in Christopher’s hair and Eddie’s thumb brushing softly over the back of his hand. Yeah, this made taking 50,000 volts of electricity worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> As usual I own nothing.  
> Read my works or send me prompts on tumblr @sortofanobsession


End file.
